Short Imagined Monologues
Final Thoughts of the Big Bald Shirtless German Soldier Who Beat Up Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Oh, Helga, why did you leave me? We could have made it work.

Bah! I must stop obsessing. It has been weeks. I will get some fresh air. Perhaps a nice walk will put things in perspec—

Hmm? A ruckus going on near the plane, and with the propellers in motion, too. Someone is pounding the schnitzel out of Franz. I've never been particularly fond of the fellow—this pseudointellectual who quotes Nietzsche too often—but I must go to his aid. Also, a beating will soothe me more than any walk. I will take out my frustrations upon this stranger.

[read the rest of it at McSweeney's]