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»I made an extraordinary discovery .. it's kind of overwhelming .. you see, i travel a lot and the fact of the matter is, in my travels i found out something that changed the way I look at things. From the beginning of time man has looked at the heavens and firmly believed the universe ends out in space. It's not true, the end of the universe happens to be in the United States, i have seen it. And, oddly enough, it's in Houston Texas. I know, i know, i was shocked, too. I left a comedy club there and walked down the street. On one corner there was a Starbucks. And across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks, was a Starbucks. At first i thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes. But no, there was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks. And that, my friends, is the end of the universe. People said to me 'how do you know?' and i said go there, stand between those two Starbucks, look at your watch, time stands still. And if you turn this way and look just at this Starbucks immediately you think 'you know when i turn around there can not possibly be a Starbucks behind me'. Noone would've been that stupid to have built a Starbucks across from a Starbucks. And if there was a just and loving god, he wouldn't allow that kind of shit to go down. See you turn slowly, thinking well i see a Gap or a Denny's, maybe even a Mobil station, but there's a Starbucks! What do you think the man was thinking who stood in the empty lot and looked across the street at the Starbucks that was already built. When he turned to his wife and kids and said 'you know, i have a vision. i'm gonna build a Starbucks across from the Starbucks.' 'Why would you do that daddy?' 'Because it'll be the end of the universe, you little shit!'«
by Lewis Black, the funniest serious comedian alive, on my list right up there with Bill Hicks.


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